What is Overcontrol?
In today’s state of the world, it’s easy to feel the pressure to maintain a high level of control in our lives—whether it’s managing work or school, family responsibilities, relationships, or personal goals. But for some individuals, the need for control can become excessive, leading to an underlying pattern of behavior that is known as "Disorders of Overcontrol".
Overcontrol is not officially recognized as a distinct disorder in diagnostic manuals like the DSM-5. However, it’s a term used by mental health professionals to describe a set of traits that revolve around excessive restraint, perfectionism, and a strong desire to keep things under control. People with Overcontrolled personalities tend to overregulate their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, often in an attempt to avoid uncertainty, anxiety, criticism or failure. While high self control might seem like a good thing, it is possible to have too much of a good thing. Excessive levels of self control (overcontrol) can lead to significant stress and discomfort, both for the individual and those around them.
Key Characteristics of an Overcontrol Personality
1. Perfectionism
People with Overcontrol Personality often hold themselves to impossibly high standards. They go to great lengths to avoid perceived criticism. Making mistakes feels intolerable. They may fear being seen as imperfect, so they strive to achieve flawlessness in their work, appearance, and relationships. This can lead to feelings of constant dissatisfaction, frustration, and burnout. Perfectionism can also look like people pleasing tendencies. Saying yes when you may not want to, taking on too much responsibility, always trying to make those around you feel happy or comfortable in an effort to avoid any confrontation or to be seen as incapable. Perfectionism tends to lead to high levels of social comparison. Constantly comparing yourself to others to ensure that you are not falling short in an effort to avoid criticism from yourself or others.
2. Rigidity in Thinking
Overcontrolled individuals typically have very structured and rigid ways of thinking. They tend to have strong ideas of right and wrong. They may find it difficult to adapt to new or unexpected situations, and they often feel uncomfortable with change. This inflexibility can hinder their ability to embrace spontaneity or creativity, as they prefer predictability and order.
3. Emotional Suppression
One of the hallmarks of an Overcontrolled Personality is the tendency to suppress emotions, particularly those that are perceived as negative, like sadness, anger, or frustration. These individuals may believe that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness or a loss of control. As a result, they may internalize their feelings, leading to emotional numbness or outbursts when the pressure becomes too much.
4. Difficulty with Relaxation
Relaxing can feel like an impossible task for someone with an Overcontrolled Personality. They may constantly feel the need to be productive, leading to a constant state of busyness or restlessness. Activities that require disengagement, such as leisure or self-care, may be seen as indulgent or unproductive. Staying overly busy also aids in emotional suppression, as it can serve as a distraction from difficult emotions.
5. Strained or Disconnected Relationships
The high expectations and perfectionistic tendencies of individuals with Overcontrol Personality can also strain personal relationships. They may have difficulty trusting others, feeling as though they need to manage everything themselves to ensure it’s done "correctly." This can create a sense of emotional distance and frustration between them and their loved ones. Overcontrolled individuals also tend to have an aloof style of relating due to the mistrust of others and emotional suppression. Expressing thoughts and emotions may feel too vulnerable, threatening, or uncomfortable.
How does Overcontrol Develop?
Excessive self control is a perfect combination of biology (bio-temperament), life experiences (environment) and coping style.
Bio-temperament: relates to the genetic and biological conductors of emotional perception and regulation of the world around you. How we perceive threat, safety, or reward can happen in milliseconds at the pre-conscious level. Those with an overcontrolled personality tend to have a bio-temperament that includes increased sensitivity to threat, increased ability to inhibit emotions, high attention to detail and low levels of a sense of reward.
Environment: Life experiences that exacerbate an overcontrolled personality could include traumatic events but doesn’t have to. It could also include environments that sent the message that self control is imperative, mistakes are unacceptable or intolerable, winning or appearances are important, and weaknesses (often emotions) should not be revealed.
Overcontrolled Coping Style: the result of bio-temperament and environment coming together. This could look like masking inner feelings, people pleasing or perfectionism to avoid criticism or conflict, compulsive striving (and often high achievements, yet nothing feels “enough”), avoidance of unplanned risks (trying to predict and plan for every scenario), extreme toleration of distress (pushing down pain), and an aloof and distant style of relating (avoidance of connection or relationships).
How Does Overcontrol Impact Mental Health?
Too much self control has the potential to result in issues such as:
Eating Disorders: most commonly including restrictive eating patterns or compulsive exercise
Chronic Depression: including feeling lonely, self critical, and could include frequent suicidal ideations or self-injurious behaviors
Treatment Resistant Anxiety: constantly feeling stress, tension or in “fight or flight”
Persistent trauma symptoms: hyper-vigilance or overly cautious behavior, inflexible responding to changing situations
Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder: rigid and rule governed behavior or intense perfectionism
How Therapy Can Help
The most effective treatment for excessive self control or the mental health issues that arise from overcontrol is Radically Open Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (RO-DBT). RO-DBT is a revolutionary transdiagnostic treatment developed to target rigid thought and behavioral patterns, inhibited or disingenuous emotional expression, aloof style of relating, overly cautious behavior, and high social comparisons which can treat the underlying issues of eating disorders, chronic trauma, anxiety and depression.
RO-DBT includes both top-down and bottom-up approaches such as skills to regulate the nervous system as well as change thought patterns and perspectives. RO-DBT is based on the idea that emotional openness, flexibility, and social connection are essential for mental well-being. For individuals with Overcontrolled Personality traits, the excessive need for control can isolate them emotionally and socially. RO-DBT provides a framework to help individuals become more flexible, open, and connected, both with their own emotions and with others.
Key Components of RO-DBT Skills
Social Safety Activation: skills to regulate your nervous system back to safety, which is the first step of any coping mechanism
Emotional expression: skills for emotional identification and developing skills in effectively social signaling
Social Signaling: skills to gain insight into how we communicate and connect with others
Interpersonal Integrity: skills on strategies to effectively express our thoughts, wants and needs that are aligned with our values
Self-enquiry: a new method to gain insight into our emotional, thinking and behavioral patterns
Radical Openness: skills designed to increase flexibility, adaptability and willingness to experience change, novelty and feedback from the world around us.
The Current’s RO-DBT program has been helping people loosen their grip on the amount of control they try to exert in their lives. Our clients who have completed RO-DBT treatment have reported they feel more able to flexibly respond to life, tolerate feedback and changes, connect in more meaningful ways with friends, and navigate through intense emotions with a greater capacity to choose how to respond or cope. All of this leading to decreased depression, anxiety and recovery from eating disorders. Our clients leave the RO-DBT program feeling more connected, open and aligned with what they truly value in life.
If you identify with traits of Overcontrol and are seeking a path toward greater emotional freedom and connection, consider exploring Radically Open Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. By working with a skilled RO-DBT therapist, you can begin to challenge old patterns, embrace vulnerability, and develop more adaptive ways of navigating the world.
Ready to learn more? Reach out today to see how RO-DBT can help you unlock a life of emotional balance, flexibility, and meaningful relationships.