Transform Your New Year's Resolutions with Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO-DBT) Skills
As we step into a new year, many of us are setting New Year's resolutions, excited about the opportunity to start fresh and create positive change in our lives. Yet, as the weeks go by, it's easy for that initial enthusiasm to fade, leaving us feeling like a failure: frustrated and disappointed. What if you could approach your goals with greater clarity and emotional balance? What if you could change out of a fixed “failure versus success” mindset?
That’s where Radically Open Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (RO-DBT) comes in. This revolutionary evidence based treatment offers skills that can help you feel aligned with your valued goals and provide you with strategies to reduce the feelings of overwhelm and failure when you try to implement changes in your life.
Here’s the problem with New Year’s Resolutions:
Resolutions often focus on “fixing” ourselves, implying that who we are now isn’t good enough. This mindset can fuel perfectionism, where rigid self-expectations lead to shame when we fall short.
They create a “win or lose” mentality. Resolutions are binary—success or failure. This black-and-white thinking prevents flexibility, a core skill for emotional well being.
Resolutions ignore the joy of the moment.They often focus only on long-term outcomes, which can take away from noticing progress, small wins, or finding joy in the process of doing the goals, rather than just the satisfaction of achieving them.
They overemphasize or reinforce self-control. Many resolutions depend on more discipline or control. Adding more rules may stifle creativity and connection with others when we really want to prioritize social connectedness and flexibility.
Here are some helpful strategies to change the way you think about New Year’s Resolutions, or goals in general, so that you don’t get stuck in a shame cycle.
1. Embrace Radical Openness: Let Go of Rigid Expectations
A core principle of RO-DBT is radical openness, which encourages you to approach challenges with flexibility rather than rigidity. When setting New Year’s resolutions, it’s tempting to create all-or-nothing goals — like, “I will journal every day” or “I will work out every day”. These kinds of goals often set us up for failure. Life inevitably happens. We get sick, we have off days, we have other priorities or obligations. The first time we don’t stick to our new goal feels like a failure.
How to apply radical openness: Instead of locking yourself into rigid goals, try adopting an open-minded attitude toward your resolutions. Reframe them as ongoing practices rather than fixed outcomes. For instance, instead of saying, "I will exercise every day," say, "I will find joy in moving my body more frequently." This shift allows you to be more flexible with your approach, focusing on progress rather than perfection, and allowing you to check in with your body and your values along the way.
2. Cultivate Mindful Awareness: Focus on the Present Moment
Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present in the moment without judgment. In RO-DBT, mindfulness is a central skill for emotional regulation and letting go of rigid thought and behavior patterns. When we get caught up in the pressure of achieving long-term resolutions, we often lose sight of the present moment, making it harder to stay consistent.
How to apply mindfulness: Mindfulness is a practice and can be done anywhere, at any time. Sit quietly and focus on your breath, bringing your attention back whenever it wanders. Use this time to check in with yourself, assessing how you’re feeling physically, emotionally, and mentally. By staying grounded in the present, you’re less likely to become overwhelmed by the enormity of your goals and more able to focus on small, manageable actions.
3. Practice Radical Self-Compassion: Embrace Imperfection
One of the most important aspects of RO-DBT is the practice of radical self-compassion. In the pursuit of resolutions, it's easy to be self-critical when things don’t go as planned. RO-DBT teaches you to embrace your imperfections and treat yourself with kindness when setbacks occur.
How to apply self-compassion: If you miss a workout or engage in a behavior you promised to avoid, instead of berating yourself, take a moment to offer yourself compassion. Acknowledge that setbacks are a normal part of growth and that your value is not determined by your successes or failures. Remind yourself that you are human and worthy of compassion and understanding.
4. Foster Flexibility: Adapt to Challenges and Changes
Emotional flexibility is a key skill in RO-DBT that allows you to adapt to life’s inevitable ups and downs. When working toward New Year’s resolutions, obstacles are bound to arise — whether it's a busy schedule, unexpected stress, illness, or self-doubt. Emotional flexibility helps you navigate these challenges without losing sight of your goals.
How to apply emotional flexibility: When faced with a setback, pause and assess how you're feeling emotionally. Are you frustrated, anxious, or discouraged? Instead of reacting critically, practice observing your emotions without judgment. Then, explore ways to adjust your approach. Perhaps, you can find a flexible “in the middle” way to achieve your goal, taking you out of the rigid all or nothing mindset. For example, if your goal is to sit and eat breakfast every day, maybe you have a bar in your car on the way to work. If your goal is to incorporate movement everyday, maybe you walk for 10 minutes instead of that hour of yoga. Emotional flexibility empowers you to stay adaptable, even in the face of difficulty.
5. Connect with Your Values: Align Resolutions with What Matters Most
In RO-DBT, we focus on connecting with our core values to guide our actions. This is particularly powerful when it comes to setting resolutions. Resolutions rooted in external expectations (such as losing weight because of societal pressure) are often harder to maintain than those driven by personal values (such as wanting to feel healthy and energized).
How to connect with your values: Before setting your resolutions, take a moment to reflect on what truly matters to you. What are your core values? Is it health, connection, creativity, or something else? Once you have clarity on your values, frame your resolutions around them. For example, instead of focusing on a number on the scale, focus on how you want to feel — energized, strong, and capable.
Conclusion: Set Yourself Up for Success with RO-DBT
New Year’s resolutions don’t have to be fleeting promises that fade away by February, or ones that you have to "restart" every Monday. By incorporating Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills into your goal-setting process, you can approach your resolutions with greater openness, compassion, and flexibility. These skills not only help you stay on track but also deepen your connection with yourself and your values, leading to more meaningful and lasting change.
This year, make your resolutions a reflection of your true self, not just your idealized version. Embrace the journey with mindfulness, emotional flexibility, and self-compassion — and watch as your resolutions evolve from intentions to realities.
Ready to give RO-DBT a shot? Let us help you get out of a perfectionistic cycle that ends with you feeling like a failure. You can feel aligned with your values, improve your self compassion and know that you are good enough. Let us show you!